Ok, so I’ve been watching Once Upon a Time, catching up because life intervened while it was still on the air and Netflix is addicting and I’m a millennial so we’re all abouting binging, and ANYWAY, the point is that I’ve binged Once Upon a Time.
You know, the show with Snow White, the Evil Queen, etc. Oh, and Prince Charming.
That’s the important bit. Prince Charming. Played by Josh Dallas.
Ok, now that that is all set up, here we go.
I’m in a house. A straight up haunted house. Think holes in the walls, rotting wood, peeling wallpaper—the whole nine yards. Have you seen It? Think that house.
And I’m with Prince Charming.
Like, legit Prince Charming.
Not Josh Dallas.
It’s a particular distinction because he’s acting exactly like he does in the show. Full of hope, courageous, dashing…and, you know, charming. Or he’s trying to be charming.
Which sucks because I’m in a bad mood. Because, you know, we’re being beset upon by zombies. So his charming-ness is having the opposite effect really. Because there really isn’t space to appreciate it when you’re beset by brain-hungry zombies.
“Take heart! We shall vanquish the beasts!”
And I just roll my eyes because I’ve seen zombie movies. We’re either going to get eaten or our tentative camaraderie is going to deteriorate the moment we come into a resource-based conflict. Like we run out of water or bullets…well, scratch the bullets because he has a sword.
I have the gun.
And the zombies keep clawing and scratching at the barricades we’ve put over the doors and walls.
Their teeth clacking. Groaning and moaning. And to be funny, Prince Charming keeps saying, “Braaaaains.” And then laughing. But like a deep, robust laugh. That booms off the decrepit walls and just spurns the zombies on even harder.
I’m shooting at them through the holes in the defenses. And if one bumbles through, he decapitates it with his sword while continuing his booming laugh.
And I think the moral of this story is you shouldn’t get trapped in a zombie apocalypse with a fairy tale character.
Because I was seriously considering throwing him to the zombies.
Right until I woke up.